


Everything has a beginning, middle and end

by AlexinBrum



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-22 09:54:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexinBrum/pseuds/AlexinBrum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel - how it started, how everything changed, and how it ended.<br/>Warning: if you like happy stories, don't read Part Three.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PART ONE: The Beginning

Sam wasn’t stupid, and he wasn’t blind. He was an experienced hunter, trained to be observant and there was definitely something going on. It wasn’t just that Cas was spending more time with them on the flimsiest of pretexts, it was the way Dean and Cas moved closer to each other, as if drawn together like magnets. They’d start a conversation at opposite ends of the room, but by the end they’d be practically standing on each other’s toes. More often than not Sam would hardly even be involved in the conversation, Dean and Cas talking almost exclusively to each other, throwing Sam an occasional comment to acknowledge he was present. At other times, Sam would come back from ordering food at the diner to find them giggling in a booth like goofy teenagers. ‘What’s so funny?’ he’d ask. ‘Oh, nothing.’ Dean would say, ‘Just another one of Cas’s dumb-ass angel stories.’ Then the two of them would share a look, and Sam would feel strangely awkward, as if he was intruding. Sometimes he resented having to compete with Cas for Dean’s attention, but most of the time he was glad to have Cas around. He liked Cas, and having a third person on their team relieved some of the intensity of his relationship with Dean. Maybe he was more Dean’s friend than he was Sam’s, but that was OK. It really was.

\----

The three of them had just dispatched a particularly nasty poltergeist in a small town in Nevada. It was a still, warm night and the sky was ablaze with stars. Not for the first time, they drove out into the desert and stretched out on an old picnic blanket with a crate of beer, gazing upwards and trading banter.  
They’d fallen into an easy silence when Cas took a deep breath and spoke, a hint of tension in his voice.  
‘Can I ask you something?’  
‘Sure.’ replied Sam.  
‘How does it feel to be in love?’  
Dean’s felt his stomach lurch, but wasn’t sure why.  
‘Woah, where did that come from?’ chuckled Sam. ‘Start with an easy one, why don’t you!’  
‘I know what love is,’ explained Cas. ‘The love I have for my brothers, for humanity. The love you have for each other, and for Bobby. That I understand. But being ‘in love’. That is such a human thing. How do you know when you are ‘in love’ with someone, rather than just loving them?’  
Dean kept unusually quiet, looking up at the stars without really seeing them, trying to get a grip on his breathing, which seemed to have become oddly erratic.  
‘It’s really hard to explain,’ continued Sam, ‘but I guess the main difference is the intensity, like you want to be around that person all the time, that you find everything they do fascinating - the way they laugh, the way they make a sandwich. You could just sit and watch them all day and you wouldn’t get bored.’  
Dean thought about the way Cas made a sandwich, all intense concentration and careful placement. He felt a swell of warmth in the pit of his stomach.  
‘Actually, scrap that.’ continued Sam. ‘That’s not the biggest difference. What makes the difference between a friend who you love and someone you’re in love with is sex. That desire to rip all their clothes off and drag them to the bedroom. Mind you,’ he mused, ‘you can have that without being in love.’  
Dean felt an overwhelming need to see Cas’s face, to know what Cas was thinking, why he’d asked the question. He rolled his head to the side, expecting to see Cas’s profile, gazing up at the stars. What he found instead were Cas’s eyes, already turned towards Dean, shining with a kind of confused adoration, burning with an intensity that took Dean’s breath away and made his heart hammer even harder. Sam rattled on, oblivious.  
‘I dunno. It’s complex. It’s like you can have all the elements of being in love in other types of relationships - wanting to protect someone, wanting to make them happy, enjoying hanging out, laughing at their jokes. It’s really difficult to explain when you call it being ‘in love’, what makes that difference. What would you say Dean?’  
And Dean, lying there in the dark, looking through the eyes of Jimmy Novak into the heart of an angel, said what he knew to be the truth.  
‘When you’re in love, you just know.’  
And in that moment they both knew.  
‘Yeah, I guess you’re right.’ said Sam. ‘Sorry Cas, that probably wasn’t any help.’  
‘Thank you Sam.’ replied Cas, ‘On the contrary, it was extremely informative.’

Not long after, Sam got to his feet.  
‘Right, I’m heading back to get some sleep. You coming Dean?’  
‘Nah, I’m gonna stay here a bit longer.’  
‘Are you OK to zap me back to the motel, Cas?’  
‘Take the car. I’d like to stay longer too. I’ll bring Dean back later.’  
‘Cool. See you in the morning guys.’

As the purr of the Impala’s engine faded into the distance, Dean propped himself up on his elbow, stroked Cas’s cheek with his free hand, then leaned in and kissed him, long and deep. No fireworks, no heavenly choirs - just the warm feeling of finally coming home.

For a while it was all lips and tongues, then hands and necks got involved. Soon it was teeth and nails, followed by ripping and yanking, fondling and grasping. It was rough and passionate and uncordinated. Dean felt for the first time in years that he didn’t really know what he was doing, but neither did Cas, and it didn’t matter anyway. Finally there was moaning and grunting, thrusting and jerking, and then two unrestrained crescendos, shouted into the darkness.

Afterwards they lay back down, looking up at the stars once again. Nothing had changed in the universe but, on an old picnic blanket in Nevada, everything was different.

\----

Dean couldn’t meet Sam’s eyes the next morning. He was snappy and edgy, the way he always was when he had a secret that he wasn’t ready to tell. He deflected Sam’s questions then escaped under the pretext of grocery shopping. Sam spent the morning packing, then settled down with a book, waiting for Dean to return. Around lunchtime Cas flew in.  
‘Hey Cas.’  
‘Hello Sam. Where’s Dean?’  
‘I dunno. He went out for groceries, but that was a couple of hours ago.’  
He saw the look of consternation on Cas’s face.  
‘What’s going on, Cas? Did something happen after I was gone last night? Did you two have a fight?’  
‘No, we didn’t have a fight.’  
‘Well what then? Because something happened, and I can’t get a straight answer out of Dean.’  
Cas hesitated, wishing Dean was there, unsure what to say.  
‘Come on Cas. I’m freaking out here. What’s going on?’  
Cas decided that honesty was probably the best policy.  
‘Dean and I had sex.’  
Sam’s opened his mouth to speak, but his brain couldn’t seem to find any words. He searched Cas’s face for signs that he was trying to make a joke, but the angel had never looked more serious.  
‘You.. had sex? You and Dean? With each other?’ He was aware he was babbling.  
‘Yes.’  
Sam felt like he should say something, but he was having trouble processing the information. Then, slowly, a whole load of things started slotting into place and it suddenly didn’t seem quite as ridiculous as he’d first thought.  
‘So was it a one-off? Or are you like... a couple now?’  
Cas paced with exasperation. ‘I don’t know. I don’t understand how these things work. What do you think Dean will expect? I don’t really know what I should do.’  
Sam looked the angel, the angel who was thousands of years old and who had seen civilizations rise and fall. All he could see standing in front of him was a confused teenager. Sam took pity and gave the best fatherly advice he could muster.  
‘Cas, you need to talk to Dean about this. You know what he’s like, he’ll try and avoid it, but don’t let him. Just tell him clearly how you feel and what you want. There’s no rule for what happens next. You’ve got to talk about it and work out what’s right for you. For both of you.’

With perfect timing, the door swung open and Dean strode in, grocery bags in hand.  
‘I got us some stuff for lunch.’ he said, halting abruptly when he saw Cas.  
‘Hello Dean.’  
‘Cas. Hi.’  
There was an awkward silence.  
‘Right, well, I think that’s my cue to leave.’ said Sam as he grabbed his jacket. ‘Good luck Cas.’ He slapped the angel on the shoulder as he walked towards the door. To Dean he said, ‘Text me when it’s safe to come back, OK.’ and then the door swung shut and he was gone.

Dean dumped down the groceries with a frown.  
‘Did you tell Sam about us?’  
‘Yes. He asked me what happened last night and I didn’t know what to say.’  
Dean rolled his eyes and threw himself down on the end of one of the beds, letting out a long breath. He was still trying to get his own head around what had happened, and already the angel was spilling his guts to his little brother.  
Cas walked over and stood in front of him. ‘Dean, I’m sorry if I did the wrong thing, but all this is new to me.’  
‘Whereas Sam, he’s an expert on human-angel relationships.’ Even through the sarcasm, the word struck him as it left his mouth - ‘relationship’. Is that what they were having? If it seemed odd to him, what the hell was Sam going to say?  
How did he take it?’  
‘He was surprised at first, but then very supportive.’  
‘Yeah?’ Dean felt a wave of relief, his anger dissipating as the fear of Sam’s disapproval subsided.  
‘He advised me to tell you how I feel and what I want so that we can decide what happens next.’  
Dean stood up, and discovered that Cas was standing closer than he’d anticipated. They were nose to nose, Cas’s warm breath ghosting his lips. It didn’t take Dean long to decide exactly what was going to happen next.  
‘So, tell me,’ he growled, ‘what _do_ you want, Cas?’  
All the half-formed sentences Cas had been preparing in his head died on his lips.  
‘I want you, Dean.’

It was several hours before Dean reluctantly texted Sam to tell him it was safe to return. From then on Dean and Cas were together. The angel and his human; the hunter and his angel.


	2. PART TWO: Changes

Everything was different after Dean and Cas got together. Good different. But definitely different. All of them had moments where they looked back with nostalgia to how it used to be, but none of them wanted to return to the old days, not really.

\----

The first thing that changed was a simple but awkward one. ‘How many rooms?’ the receptionist asked. They all opened their mouths to answer, then looked questioningly at each other, none of them sure what to say. Sam finally made the decision. ‘Two please. One double, one single.’ Then, just to eliminate all doubt. ‘I snore,’ he explained to the lady. ‘They refuse to share with me.’ 

They hesitated briefly in front of the two adjacent doors. Sam could see that Dean was tying himself up in knots, worried that he was abandoning his baby brother. Once they did this there was no going back, this is how it would be from now on - Sam in one room, Dean and Cas in another.  
‘Well, night then.’ said Sam.  
‘Yeah, see you in the morning,’ replied Dean, scanning Sam’s face with concern, checking for any signs of unhappiness. But all Sam did was smile and let himself into his room.  
Dean looked at the other door. Their room. His and Cas’s. He turned the key and made to walk in, but was called back by Sam.  
‘Oh, and Dean?’  
‘Yeah?’  
‘Just keep the noise down, will you. These walls are paper thin.’  
‘You keep your own noise down, snoring boy!’ retorted Dean.  
Everything was going to be OK.

Sam threw his bag down on the floor and sat down on the end of the single bed, taking in the solitude. Sure, he’d stayed alone in motel rooms before, but never with Dean next door. Never with Dean next door sleeping with a man. A man who was actually an angel. He shook his head in disbelief that it seemed normal to him. In fact, it didn’t just feel normal, it felt good, as if the suffocating bond that tied him to Dean was loosening and he was able to breathe deeply for the first time.

\----

The hunting changed too, as it would when you’ve got an angel on your team. Before, the Winchesters had been known as dangerous hunters, but they were just humans, and most supernatural killers weren’t too careful about covering their tracks, assuming arrogantly that mere mortals were no threat. When word got out that the Winchesters were now travelling with an angel, they fled. The angel could fly to any location in a split second. The angel could kill a demon just with the touch of its hand. The angel healed every injury inflicted on the Winchesters and even brought them back to life. There was no longer a fight to be had - it was over the second the hunters arrived with their pet angel in tow. The Winchesters began to notice that the activity they’d been tracking simply stopped as soon as they arrived at the scene. Sure, there were a few trapped souls who needed help getting released, the occasional stupid human who thought it was a good idea to play with hex bags, but there was no more ganking demons. They vanished before the hunters could get anywhere near them. People were still being saved, but it was all chase and no kill, more like moving evil round a chess board than getting rid of it for good. It was a lot less dangerous, less satisfying and a bit, well, boring. Hunting just wasn’t as fun any more.

\----

Over time, they also found that there were fewer and fewer trails to follow. Demons, werewolves, witches and vampires all became more careful at covering their tracks, making sure nothing got into the press. Identifying supernatural activity from amongst all the normal human deaths and disappearances became increasingly difficult. In the beginning, Dean would sometimes get restless, jump in the Impala with Cas riding shotgun, and go check out a freak accident, just to ‘make sure’ - but it was almost always just a freak accident. At least the trips took the edge of his restlessness for a while.

\----

Eventually, Dean found other ways to deal with his cabin fever.  
‘I’m going to go and check out this suicide in Charlotte. You guys coming?’ became ‘There’s nothing going on at the moment. Cas and I are going to go on a road trip, OK?’. It was another loosening of the binds of brotherhood, but this time it was Dean who was breathing deeper. The two of them would drive for hours, Dean teaching Cas the mystical art of singing along to rock music, elbows jutting out of open windows. They’d stop way out in the wilderness - a forest, a canyon, a mountain - then lay out the old picnic blanket and take in the view, swigging beer as Cas told Dean stories from his long angelic life. It was very different from hunting, but Dean found he didn’t mind.

\----

As the hunting became less frequent, they spent longer periods at the bunker. But it was out of town, it didn’t have any windows or a garden and, despite the soft furnishings, always felt more like a fortress than a home. They eventually decided to rent a cheap two bedroom house in the nearest town, a two-bit affair called Serenity, which seemed strangely appropriate. They met the neighbours, they were regulars at the local store, they chatted to the mailman. People got to know them, and they got to know people. Cas loved experiencing human customs and persuaded them to attend all kinds of wholesome community events they would normally have shunned. Sam developed a taste for line dancing, Cas loved planting things and watching them grow, and once word got out that Dean could handle a toolset and would do anything for pie, he was never short of something to do.

\----

Dean changed. He softened and mellowed. And it wasn’t just growing older and being happy. All his life he’d had to be strong, the protector, always one eye on the shadow in the corner of the room. But lying naked, wrapped in the arms of his angel, he could let go. Cas didn’t need his protection and, with Cas around, neither did Sam. For the first time in his life, he felt safe. He drank less, he slept more and he smiled. A lot. He was different, but he liked it. And Sam liked it too.

\----

With Dean and Cas increasingly inseparable, Sam found he was spending more time than ever on his own. He was happy for them, but the solitude didn’t suit him, so he set about making friends, and it wasn’t long before he’d got himself a girlfriend. Not quite the girl next door, but from only a couple of streets away. They met over the carrots in the grocery store, then at the bank, then in the street, where they swapped numbers and agreed to meet up on purpose some time. Sam was cautious at first, but Kelly was warm and bubbly and down-to-earth and patiently wore down his defences. Dean loved looking at Sam and Kelly together. He saw their future so clearly - marriage, kids, dog, the whole shebang. He knew that the normal life he’d always wanted for his brother had come at last, all thanks to the love of an angel.

\----

Yes, things were different now. Really different. But good different. There were moments when Dean missed the thrill of the hunt, where Sam missed sharing a run-down motel room with his brother, where Cas missed serving God in Heaven. But none of them wanted to return to the old days. Not really. Not at all.


	3. Chapter 3: Six Rules

The other angels knew what was going on between Castiel and the human. Whilst frowned upon, it was not the first time a similar aberration had occurred and there were procedures. When it became clear the thing with Dean was more than just a fleeting affair, Cas had entered Heaven to negotiate an arrangement. Sam and Dean didn’t fully understand the process, but the closest analogy they could come up with was that it was like a suitor asking a father for permission to date his daughter. Cas didn’t go into details about what had been said, but it was clear his family tolerated the situation more than they condoned it, and there were strict ground rules. But the bottom line was that Cas was left alone to get on with it, and that suited them all just fine.

\----

_**Rule number one.  
** Castiel is permitted to heal or resurrect the humans Dean and Sam Winchester, but no other human. His relationship with Dean Winchester indicates that his judgement cannot be trusted. If he wishes to use his divine power to intervene in any other human life, he must return to Heaven to request permission._

It was tough for Cas to watch people suffer and die, knowing that he had the power to heal them. But, in time, he learned to accept that suffering, and seeing other people suffer, was part of the human condition. ‘Welcome to our world’ was Dean’s unsympathetic response, ‘Sometimes shit happens and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.’ It was the price he paid for being free to protect Sam and Dean, but it didn’t come easily. As the years passed, the urge to fix everyone was less like an ache and more like an itch, but it never disappeared entirely. Always there, just beneath the surface, an angel itch that could never be scratched, because scratching it would mean sacrificing Dean, and given the choice between saving Dean or saving the whole of humanity, there was never any question which Cas would choose.

_**Rule number two.  
** Castiel is forbidden from interfering with Dean or Sam Winchester’s natural aging process. He may heal injuries and cure illnesses, but the Winchesters will continue to age and one day they will die._

Cas decided to let his vessel age too. Dean protested. ‘Why the hell would you put yourself through that if you don’t need to? Hell, do you think I wouldn’t stay eternally young if I could? Getting old is gonna suck. You don’t have to, so don’t.’ But Cas knew Dean better than that. Dean would never stand by and watch while someone else suffered. ‘If you’re getting old, then I’m getting old.’ he stated simply. ‘We’re in this together.’ And although it wasn’t quite true, it was true enough. And Dean loved him for it.

_**Rule number three.  
** Castiel is permitted to live with the humans in his vessel on earth, but he must return to Heaven at least once every earth year. If he fails to do so, he will be recalled by force and restrained in Heaven and excluded from earth for the entirety of his existence._

Dean called this ‘dropping into the garage for a service’, although Cas said it was more like filing a progress report. When Cas was away, Kelly got into the habit of going away with her girl friends, leaving Sam and Dean to do whatever it is brothers do when their partners are out of town. It usually involved a lot of beer.

\----

Cas came back from his first heavenly visit in a strange mood, but said he didn’t want to talk about it, so Dean didn’t push it. The second year was the same. ‘It’s just family stuff.’ he said, but it took him a couple of days to shake it off. The third time, when he could practically see the black cartoon cloud hovering above Cas’s head, Dean couldn’t let it go any longer.

‘Come on Cas, talk to me. Why do you come back from that place in such a shitty mood?’  
‘It’s not important. It’ll pass.’  
‘Bullshit. If it wasn’t important it wouldn’t shake you up like this. Come on man, I wanna know what crap they throw at you, because it’s my fault you have to deal with it.’  
‘It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. They don’t throw any crap at me. It’s all very formal. They ask me questions and I answer them.’  
‘What kind of questions?’  
‘What I... we... have been doing over the past year, how I feel, if I still want to continue with the arrangement.’  
‘They’re not trying to stop us are they? I thought we had a contract, goddammit. They can’t just break it. We’ve stuck to our part of the deal.’  
‘No, it’s not that. As you say, they agreed to the terms and there’s no suggestion that they wish to change anything. It’s just...’  
‘Come on Cas, spit it out.’  
‘Even though it’s all very polite and they never actually say anything specific, the whole time I’m there there’s this coldness, an unspoken disapproval, the implication that this, us, is somehow wrong, or unnatural. It just makes me question things.’  
‘Us?’  
‘No. Never.’ He shot Dean a look of such fierce intensity that it made Dean’s breath catch in his throat. ‘I question them. Every angel, the whole of Heaven, all my brothers and sisters, they seem to think that this is wrong. But however hard I look at it, however long I think about it, I can’t see anything wrong in it at all. Am I missing something? Can so many divine beings be wrong? And if they are wrong about this, then how many other things are they wrong about? If they don’t understand something as simple as you and me, then how can I trust Heaven’s judgement on anything else? It undermines everything I’ve been brought up to believe.’ Dean pulled Cas in close and kissed the top of his head. He resisted the urge to tell Cas that his whole family was basically a bigoted bunch of dicks.  
‘They can’t understand because they’ve never had this. Hell, I don’t understand it and I’m in it. But as long as it feels right to us, then it doesn’t matter what they think. And it doesn’t mean they’re wrong about everything. Just about us.’  
‘But...’  
‘No buts. Don’t make it into such a big deal. Your family doesn’t approve, so what? It happens all the time. Just suck it up and hope that one day they’ll come round.’ ‘I don’t think that will happen.’ ‘Sure it will. They can’t resist my charms forever. Look at me, I’m adorable.’ Dean put on his cheesiest grin and Cas laughed, then kissed him. The cloud had disappeared. 

\----

_**Rule number four.  
** While Sam and Dean Winchester live, Heaven will take no responsibility for Castiel’s actions. He will not be required to undertake any divine duties, but neither will he be given any assistance should he be under threat. _

Cas wondered if there was ever likely to be a situation on earth which could be improved by Heaven’s interference. He thought of all the times when angels had blundered in and caused even more mayhem and destruction. He struggled to hide his amusement as it was made clear that, however desperate his call, no angels would come to his aid.  
‘And you are unprepared to negotiate this rule?’ he clarified, thinking it politic not to reveal his total indifference. ‘There can be no negotiation. If you choose this path, then you will be completely on your own.’  
‘No I won’t,’ Cas stated emphatically, ‘I’ll be with Dean.’

_**Rule number five.  
** While either Dean or Sam Winchester lives, Castiel may remain on earth. When both Dean and Sam Winchester have died, and their bodies are laid to rest, Castiel must return to Heaven immediately and take orders once again._

‘Please. Just five more minutes.’ he pleaded, but the angels were steadfast.  
‘Now, Castiel. You know the words of the contract.’  
‘What difference can five minutes make?’ he begged. He wanted to lie down on the patch of earth in front of him. Lie down and sink into oblivion.  
‘We had an agreement, Castiel. It’s time.’

Cas didn’t know how to leave. He felt great waves of grief rolling and crashing over him. It had been bad enough when Sam died, but at least he and Dean had helped each other through it. Now he was completely alone, and he missed Dean so much it felt like his soul was breaking into pieces. He didn’t even know who he was without Dean. He didn’t want to know. He just wanted Dean back. Dean would tell the angels to go to hell. But without Dean, Cas didn’t have the strength to fight them.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

‘No! Please. I’m not ready.’ he begged, but he knew it was futile.

He tried to remember every detail, each blade of grass, each grain of earth. The way the light shone on the headstone. The sharp edges of the lettering, pulled out of focus by the tears filling his human eyes. As he felt the tug of Heaven his hand reached out, desperate for one last touch of the cold stone, but the grip on his shoulder was stronger, and his fingers never reached it. He watched and watched as his life on earth was obliterated in a blinding glow of celestial light.

_**Rule number six.  
** Castiel is forbidden from visiting Dean Winchester’s soul in Heaven. If Castiel attempts to break this rule, he will be cast into Hell, never to return._

This was the killer blow. By choosing to live with Dean on earth, their time together was limited to a human lifespan. Of course, he could forego the earthly life, wait for Dean in Heaven and then spend eternity with his soul, but it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be his Dean. A soul in Heaven was not the whole person, it was their essence, their spirit, but Cas wanted the man. He wanted to feel Dean’s stubble scrape across his face, smell his sweat on a hot day, taste the whisky on his tongue. He didn’t want to share an eternity of unchanging bliss with Dean’s tranquil essence - he wanted that visceral sense of corporeal body, of flesh and blood and bone that his spirit alone would never possess. He realised with a sudden nausea that the Dean he loved would one day cease to exist; the passion, anger and intensity inextricably linked to a human body that would one day fail and decay. There was no way out of it, no way round it, nothing could be done. So he agreed to the rule, because visiting a soul who looked like Dean, but wasn’t really him any more would cause more pain than even Hell could ever inflict. 

\---- 

Cas never told Dean about Rule Number Six, but it didn’t take much for Dean to figure it out.  
‘Cas, can you stop dicking around with that moth and come to bed. If you seriously think I’m gonna put up with your insect fetish for all eternity, then you are very much mistaken.’  
Cas’s smile vanished and a shadow of guilt and sadness flashed across his face. It was momentary, but Dean noticed. And Cas knew Dean had noticed. Cas released the moth and watched it fly out of the window, then clambered under the quilt where they clung tightly to each other. Dean never mentioned eternity again.

\----

Dean was old, so very old. His body was failing and they both knew the end was coming. They lay in the bed they’d shared for decades, two old men, heads touching, fingers entwined. Dean’s breathing was shallow and erratic; Cas never took his eyes off Dean’s face, every memory precious.

‘I’m sorry Cas. I’m just so tired.’  
‘I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do, Dean.’  
‘There’s nothing you can do. You have to let me go.’  
‘I can’t.’ Cas gripped Dean’s hand even tighter.  
‘I’m afraid you don’t have a choice, buddy.’  
‘There’s always a choice. You taught me that.’  
‘Well, sometimes I’m full of shit.’ Cas couldn’t help but smile.  
‘Finally, after all these years, he admits it.’  
‘Yeah, well, maybe I’ve finally run out of fight.’  
‘Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that.’  
But Dean’s silence said it all. What was there left to fight?

\----

Dean was really struggling for breath now. They didn’t have long.  
‘Cas, do something for me.’ he rasped.  
‘Anything.’  
‘Be young again. Let me see you how you were when we first met.’  
Dean felt the hand he was holding fill out and become smoother. He mustered every ounce of strength he had to turn his head towards Cas. There lying on the bed next to him was a beautiful young man in a trench coat and tie, just how Dean remembered from all those years ago. The only difference was the despair which now filled his eyes. Dean lifted his free hand and gently stroked Cas’s face. At the touch he too was young again, lying on an old picnic blanket under a starry Nevada sky, looking into the eyes of his angel.  
‘Was I really worth it?’ he whispered.  
‘Yes.’ was all Cas could say. And then the angel fell apart, because Dean Winchester was gone.


End file.
